Craft Beerfest: A drunken review.

Last night, we went to Beerfest, the Craft Beer Festival for some crafty beers in a festival setting. Definitely a place that hasn’t helped me in proper sentence writing. I had planned on only having a couple tasters because having more than 2 pints of beer is a hard pass on my gluten disliking stomach.

Yeah, I…absolutely stuck to that….

You know what, so not my fault there happened to be a lot of cider booths and Glutenberg was all “HEY HAVE SOME GLUTEN FREE BEER A LOT.” Okay they weren’t pushy or yell-y, but writing this portion of the post the morning after, my woozy brain is thinking I am not to be blamed for anything that happened last night. Including eating chicken fingers and fries at midnight at the casino. HEALTHY LIFE CHOICES ON POINT.

What you’re about to read past this paragraph right here is what I wrote last night at 1:00am still toasty from one too many wobbly pops. I haven’t proofed it soberly at all so I apologize in advance to everyone I mention.


Oh my damn lanta. Well, I told myself today around 3:00pm that I would write about Beerfest tonight NO MATTER WHAT.

THAT IS A MISTAKE.

I AM SO GODDAMN DRUNK.

It took me about 10 minutes to write the above without mistakes. It didn’t help that my husband asked if I wanted new water in my water bottle. And then he filled it up and was like “there’s less water in it than there was before” and THAT killed me dead.

I cannot wait to read this tomorrow and be like “hey.”

THAT’S ALL YOU NEED. “hey.”

I am crying I’m laughing so hard right now.
Fuck I am hilarious at all times.

OKAY SO BEERFEST THO.

Graeme: what is “tho?”
Me: Short for “though”
Graeme: but you’re saying th-o not though.
Me: if you knew anything about the internet, you’d know it’s though.
Graeme: I know the internet has lots of possibilities. Mostly porn.

beerfestOh look, we’re all BASICALLY not wasted yet. Other Carolyn…this was the best of the worst for you…so..there’s that. YOU SIGNED A WAIVER (no you didn’t)

We went to a lot of fantastic vendors at Beerfest. A lot of places I don’t remember. And you know, a lot of bloggers would be like I NEED TO KEEP MY WITS ABOUT ME SO I CAN BLOG ABOUT THIS PROPERLY. Well, welcome to a blog that is the opposite of that. I remember stopping at Nitro Bros (http://www.nitrobros.com) and talking to the guy all about their kick ass coffee brew in hella detail, and I was just thinking “GOD HE’S GIVING ME SO MUCH INFORMATION THIS IS GREAT CAN’T WAIT TO REMEMBER ZERO PERCENT SO I CAN BLOG ABOUT YOU.” Although, I just went to their website and it’s infinitely more fun to go to when you’ve had all of the beer.

I….don’t remember the point of that paragraph.

My top favourites were definitely Coronado Brewing (that Guava Islander…LOOK OUT) who also had the Glutenberg bad bitches to taste as well. AND number 2 on the list was Hey Ya’ll Hard Iced Tea. I’m sure you’re thinking “what the hell does Iced Tea have to do with a beerfest?” And my answer to you is “suck my dick.” BECAUSE YUM.

beerfest

Another place that doesn’t suck is Fernie Beer. I know most of my friends will read this and think YEAH BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FRIEND WHO WORKS THERE AND MAYBE IT’S GOOD PUBLICITY FOR THEM but actually, What The Huck from Fernie is fucking delicious. I would murder a case of it on a nice hot summer day. AND it was like, my third beer which means I wasn’t even drunk then and could have like, opinions of taste on things. And also, my blog is the worst idea for publicity. JOKES ON YOU, IDIOTS.

Overall, it was a solid event and I can’t wait until next time. Oh wait, we won some tickets to the Oktoberfest Beer…fest… in September. So maybe you will get another GLAMOROUS as shit blog post from that. Who even knows.

I definitely took some solid quality photos all up in here. Like this one:

BeerfestSTARTED FROM THE BOTTOM NOW WE HERE

Beerfest“The ginger one is best for hangovers!”

beerfestSuck it photobombers, WELCOME TO THE BLOG.

BeerfestMe: I can’t believe this ends at 10:00pm.
Nicole: I mean….so much sober….


I also took a couple notes whilst at Beerfest. I’m sure they’re amazing. Let’s check em out and I will hopefully be able to decipher them.

SHE GON BLOG.
So….on a local radio station called TSN 1260, apparently there’s a segment with Nielson & Fraser where one of the hosts yells “SHE GONE” at the appropriate moment. Example: Oilers vs Ducks? The Oilers? SHE GONE!! It’s insane how often we use this saying to basically anything. “Those yam fries? SHE GONE!!”  “The shit from my ass?? SHE GONE!!” It’s alarming how unfunny we are. Well, I told everyone I was going to blog about Beerfest and friend Nicole says “what’s she gonna do? SHE GON BLOG” and I guess that was….note worthy. We laughed a lot at that. Drunk people are the most annoying forever.

“IT’S OUT EAST.”
We went to a vendor called Fat Unicorn Brewing because I could not pass that name up. Not to mention, they shorten it to FU Brewing. HA. IT’S LIKE YOU’RE SWEARING, MAN. Anyways, they have yummy beer.

Husband: Make sure you ask where they’re from.
Me: Why?
Husband: IT’S IMPORTANT TO KNOW IDIOT.
Me: Hey where are you guys from?
Guy: Lac La Biche.
Me: They’re from Lac La Biche.
Jason: IT’S OUT EAST.

I think I thought this was noteworthy because I found it hilarious that Jason thought I didn’t know where Lac La Biche was.

These notes suck a bag of dicks

Back to Nitro Bros.

Jason: It looks like the North Saskatchewan.
Graeme: Probably tastes better.

Beerfest

SPOILER ALERT: Definitely some of their favourites of the whole night. After I told the dude I was a local blogger, he asked me if I wanted to try one. I said no because I hate coffee. HAHA. LET ME REVIEW YOUR PRODUCT EVEN THOUGH NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL HATE IT. Graeme and Jason let me know I was a stupid idiot for not liking coffee and that this shit is delicious. Take their word, not mine.


So, that’s my review of Beerfest while I’m still drunk from Beerfest.

Jesus Christ it took me forever to type this without typos. I assume there are no typos. I guarantee there will be unreal grammatical errors that everyone can go the fuck ahead and point out.

Not a sober was given.

Beerfest

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Craft Beerfest: A drunken review.

  1. Colleen

    I love your “Welcome to the Blog” photo. You look like you’re having so much fun and dancing. ^_^

    Reply
  2. isaidnoh

    Cannery Brewing was at Beerfest! They are from here. I like their Skaha Summer Ale and Anarchist Ale. My sister worked there until she didn’t and it’s a long story and bridges were burned, but I still like them.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *