Carolyn Goes Shopping For Fitness Clothing As If I Don’t Have Enough Already.

There’s a solid title.

Being that I work in ALL things fitness-y and work out a lot, I enjoy wearing fitness clothing basically exclusively. Which is just the best. Tonight, I decided to check out a local watering clothing hole and try some shit on.

Wackiness ensues.

SIDE BAR.

Last night, our condo fire alarm went off three brilliant times during the night and I ended up only getting roughly 3 hours of sleep. I’m the type of person who gets and enjoys her 8-9 hours of sleep a night. Girlfriend cannot function properly on 3 hours. The worst part, I don’t drink coffee. So it’s been a long day.

I’m only side bar-ing this because I’m apologizing in advance if my writing and brain processing is weirder than normal because I don’t know how to brain right now.

I want sleep.

END SIDE BAR.

I do these kind of posts a lot on my private journal place thing and my weird internet friends seem to enjoy them a lot. SO WHY NOT SHOW MY CLOTHING CHOICES TO YOU FOOLS. Whenever I go shopping, it’s usually unplanned and I’m wearing a top or bottom that will not match anything I’m trying on. Much like today!

If it has mesh, I want it.

Fitness clothing

These kick ass Nike leggings are kick ass. Also pictured: comfort. When a size small fits comfortably, chances are I’m going to buy whatever it is because it’s nice to finally fit smalls. PURCHASED.

Just. No.

Fitness clothing

I have yet to put anything Lululemon on my body that isn’t pure ecstasy. Until today! This is a hard pass. Which is weird because everyone under the female sun has this tank top. The floofy one with the built in bra and the long armpit sleeves? Yeah. Every basic bitch in Canada owns one. So I thought it was my time to own one. IT IS NOT MY TIME TO OWN ONE.

Oh red pants, you complete me. 

Fitness clothing

These Adidas sexy bitches were essentially made for my body. The Lulu tank is also pretty stellar but I decided leave it behind. Red pants though? PURCHASED. Also, they’re a size x-small HAHA WHAT? How are my thighs and ass not ripping them apart.

IT’S LIKE I’M WEARING THE SKY!

Fitness clothing

I see people wearing Fabletics all over the place and now I understand why. Get in my life. These are cute and comfy and a size small. THREE THINGS I AM WILLING TO THROW MONEY AT FOREVER. Purchased.

“Peach really isn’t your colour”

Fitness clothing

Over the years, I have had a lot of people telling me, without my asking/prompting, what I should and shouldn’t be wearing when it comes to colour. Usually when I get their unwanted opinion, I try and wear that colour around them as much as possible because I’m THAT person. Sure, peach makes me a touch more pale but I DON’T THINK I LOOK FUCKING GROSS.

This would have been a better rant if I actually purchased this top but I didn’t LOL. Not a fan of how clingy it is.

The I sure wish I bought these pants pants.

Fitness clothing

Why. Why didn’t I buy these Adidas pants. They’re comfy. I think it’s because I was going to buy the blue sky pants shown above and thought WHO EVEN NEEDS TWO PAIRS OF BLUE PANTS. The answer is “everyone” just so you know. I only have about 30 pairs of black pants so what the hell am I even talking about.

High hopes only to be let down.
These pants are a metaphor for life.

Fitness clothing

I saw these pants on the rack, didn’t look at the price, and threw them in my pile. This is something that never happens. I look at the price before I look at the STYLE in most cases. But these were freaking cool.

It’s a shame they also happen to be the most uncomfortable pants EVER. They have this weird leather patch on the front, not stretchy mesh on the side, and that black streak down the back? NO movement. You actually cannot bend over slightly without them PROBABLY ripping.

WHAT ARE YOU PANTS? WHAT FITNESS CAN YOU DO STANDING STILL?
Baseball, m i rite?!
(I like baseball go blue jays)

Step one: look at yourself sideways in the mirror…..

Fitness clothing

So most people are probably thinking “hey, this bitch is a regular sized person rockin’ all these pantaloons, good for her” or you’re not but I just needed a good segue into my next picture. These pants are actually quite comfortable and effing love the colour/fade…ness…what is that called. OMBRE. But then I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror facing on….

…….Sweet. Merciful. Zeus.
Fitness clothing

The twins are due ANY day now.
While giving birth to the twins, I am going to poop a watermelon!
“you look like an 80’s wrestler” – Husband Graeme.
Yes, yes I am wearing a sumo wrestling diaper under these.

What the fuck. Literally what happened to my body? I didn’t look this big before I lost the 20lbs THIS MAKES ME FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF.

WHO KNEW A PANT COULD BE THIS FLATTERING, EH? It’s like I’m a giant baby who shit her diaper out her vagina. Yeah, enjoy THAT visual. I think it’s safe to assume that I did NOT purchase these pants. I have no idea who made them but they weren’t a brand I recognized.

I can’t stop looking at this. It’s SO goodbad.

Oh look, another hard no.
Fitness clothing

Oh Adidas, I’ve been on your team this entire journey and then I put a pant on that has wildly unflattering material. It shows everything. EVERYTHING. They were so promising looking whilst on the hanger, like a LOT of other clothing I’ve put on my poor body. Sorry but no.

I am an ugly alligator coo coo ca choo.

Fitness clothing

I’m a fan of weird and loud patterns but damn son, these are bad news bears. They’re also the only pants that didn’t fit well at all. Oh brands, you so cray.

Thank you for coming on this journey with me.
It will probably not be the last.

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11 thoughts on “Carolyn Goes Shopping For Fitness Clothing As If I Don’t Have Enough Already.

  1. N. Patrick H.

    I feel as if… I’ve seen a lot of your genitals.

    Speaking of genitals, I think peach looks good on you.

    Reply
  2. Lindsey

    Man, fitness clothes are ugly. Apart from the sky leggings (refuse to say pants).

    I actually think you rock peach though.

    – Your faithful weirdo internet friend

    Reply
  3. Melting Moments

    You are one hot bitch!

    And peach makes your skin look gorgeous. I think it’s totally your colour.

    I need some mesh in my life. I want to spend lots of money right meow.

    Reply
  4. Shannon Noel Brady

    The starry ones are pretty! And I thought the peach color looked really nice on you. Who is saying peach isn’t your color?? I’ll peach ’em right in the FACE. That makes no sense BUT IT’S GOT THE TONE I’M GOING FOR.

    Reply

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