This morning, I went for a run as I’m training for my next 5k on May 13th with the MEC race series. Yeah, I need to train for that shit as I’m horrible at cardio/running/anything that involves going faster than a walking pace. I mean, I WAS horrible at all of this until my major influx of fitnessing since last August.
On April…something…9th! I ran my first 5k in 4 years. My very first 5k ever, I ran it in 45 minutes. This most recent 5k, I ran it in 35 minutes without stopping. It was HUGE for me. My goal for this race was to run without dying. Check. My goal for the May 13th race was to run without stopping. Girlfriend needs a new goal for that race.
So I decided after the April 9th 5k, I would actually start training. Which meant I had to go out and run for like, fun and shit. Which sounds like my nightmare. I hate running while it’s happening; it’s that stupid post run feeling of INDESTRUCTIBLE AND AMAZING that keeps me coming back for more. It’s addicting as all hell.
My last training session was 2 days ago and I ran for 20 minutes before stopping as I thought I was in cardiac arrest. It’s kind of funny how EVERY run you do (maybe just as a beginner) is completely different.
I absolutely MURDERED my training session this morning. I don’t listen to music while I run as I tend to keep track of how much I’m running with how long each song is and I have been known to give up when I think “meh, I’ve run enough songs.” LOSER.
Instead, I’m left with my thoughts, which is how I’ve turned this mornings run into a live tweeting session of what goes through my head when I’m running(dying). Obviously I am not currently…running…and “live tweeting” this….oh and if you don’t know what live tweeting is, I don’t care.
Carolyn Live Tweets Her Run.
- Fuck, it’s cold. I need my gloves. (I ran back to the condo & forced Husband Graeme to throw my gloves over the balcony)
- ……I should have grabbed my toque. (I ran back to the condo & forced Husband Graeme to throw my toque over the balcony)
- Off to a great start.
- I should probably not run on an empty stomach. (I stop at Blush Lane to grab a Cliff Bar, eat half of it.)
- Maybe I’ll just walk to Saskatchewan Drive and then start running.
- I love making excuses to delay running it’s the best.
- Okay fucking run now.
- This isn’t bad. I’m slow as shit, but it’s not bad.
- I’ll just stop running once I hit 109th street, take a break.
- Huh, turns out I don’t need a break, okay let’s keep running.
- Fuck, puddle.
- Well, my left foot WAS dry.
- Why am I not exhausted yet.
- Oh look a puppy.
- OH GOD PUPPY ANGRY.
- (about I Don’t Know How Many Minutes Into Running Because I Don’t Know The Concept Of Time When I Fitness, my right ankle starts hurting.)
- What do you want ankle. It’s telling me “you know what’s better than running? sitting. while watching netflix. and eating a cheddar cheese & mayo sandwich. with side salt & vinegar chips.”
- My right ankle is never wrong.
- Somehow, my brain is winning the argument with right ankle.
- My brain never wins. Every other body part always comes out on top. My brain is just trying to keep up. Like the Kardashian’s.
- You know who probably never runs? The Kardashian’s.
- Suddenly, I’m at Emily Murphy hill. You bitch, who even gave you a hill. You were the bane of my existence during my early April 5k. It’s so steep. (When I ran down this hill in my April 5k, I took the biggest goddamn strides I could and FLEW down the hill which was the stupidest idea of my life as it’s the sole reason my knees were completely broken the next day.)
- Hey bozo, maybe take small strides down this hill.
- Oh man, this is so much better.
- Ahhhh where the hell do I go there are so many roads.
- Left….sure. Left is good.
- Why did I go down the hill. When one goes down one must come up. Unless you live down. I don’t. I live up. I am stupid. Hello GIANT hill. At least you aren’t as steep as Emily Murphy.
- I could call Graeme to come get me.
- I COULD.
- Fine I won’t. I’m just so far from home. Home is where sitting is.
- Look, a bus stop. Maybe I’ll just…wait here…
- Oh, it’s the 130 & 128…those sound like buses that never come by. (About a minute later, the 130 drove by)
- You son of a bitch.
- Whatever, I’ll just give up half way up this hill.
- By half way I mean like, in 30 seconds.
- I know there’s a bathroom in Hawrelak Park, maybe I should just go to…go.
- No fuck that, I’d rather shit myself than add an extra 5 minutes onto this damn run.
- This isn’t that bad.
- Who invented running.
- I’m half way up this hill.
- Just keep swimming just keep swimming.
- I hate Finding Nemo get out of my head you stupid fish.
- Dory is so annoying.
- There was literally no redeeming quality about that movie.
- Just keep running just keep running.
- Not a bad motivator.
- I can see the top of the hill. Hello traffic circle, I see you.
- What’s the Rocky theme song again? This seems like a Rocky moment.
- Buh buh bah bah bah doo do doo do doooo something something.
- Oh my god I ran up that entire hill.
- I’m now past the traffic circle and I know for a fact that I can walk faster than my current running speed. GOTTA KEEP UP THAT MOMENTUM RIGHT?
- How do people look good when they run? I probably look like I’m melting.
- Okay, maybe I should just…die.
- Oh look, the UofA hospital. (This is where I officially gave up running and walked for about 2 minutes. Where’s a better place to monitor your heart exploding out of your chest and your lungs catching on fire? Near the hospital!)
- Huh, I don’t actually feel that bad.
- I…I could start running again….
- Oh god make it stop.
- Woah, just hit 10K steps, thanks fitbit for letting me know.
- Speaking of shitting themselves….a wild McDonald’s appears!
- Whyte Ave, hello Whyte Ave..I’m only…13 blocks from home.
- Run down Whyte, home will appear FASTER.
- Okay…by run I apparently mean walk fast.
- Home…home…is that you…is it me you’re looking for….
- HELLOOOOO FROM THE OTHER SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE.
- YES. I MADE IT. TIME TO STRETCH.
Post Run Stretch.
Ran – 10.6k
Steps while running – 8762
Total steps – 12,280
Minutes ran – 65
Good for me. I’m wildly impressed. I can’t wait for my next training session to last 10 minutes and then I quit. HA.