I am the worst blogger of all time. Well, that can’t be true. I’m sure there are worse bloggers than I, but man, I’m pretty shitty. It’s been a month since I’ve written anything. I think about my blog and it gives me a little anxiety because each day goes by and I’m like “remember when you promised you’d do better in 2017?” LOL silly girl sitting on a thrown of empty promises.

Even though I started out with the intention of not being a niche blog, it kind of turned into one. The niche became What Can Carolyn Bitch About Today, throw in some reviews of Edmonton businesses and movie reviews, HOW CAN THIS BLOG BE ANYTHING BUT A WILD SUCCESS.

I’m stupid.

I became obsessed with having a perfect SEO and all that bloggity shit and I’m so over it. I had so many goals for this blog and I’m throwing them all out the window. GOALS BE DAMNED. Instead, I want this bad bitch to be more fluid. I am giving you online fluids of shit I actually want to write about. It’s going to become more like my private writing diary on another site in which I just…write. About stuff. And things. And life.

Don’t get me wrong, there will be plenty o rants all up in here because the world is continuously annoying and stupid, but I refuse to seek out things to intentionally piss me off. For example, I was going to rage and bitch over the fact that idiot morons are boycotting a movie accepting of bestiality because there’s a gay character. DAMMIT DISNEY, HOW DARE YOU FORCE YOUR AGENDA ON THE WORLD. Yeah, that pesky agenda of equality and inclusion.


But it’s been done. Everyone smart and normal filled with an inkling of humanity are thinking the same thing. I don’t have a fresh new take on it. So there will be no blog post dedicated to Beauty & The Beast.

Can’t wait to see that movie.
I’m going to fuck a buffalo afterwards and blame society.

I’ve recently noticed that my Ten Things post is getting traction again. It’s been re-posted on a bunch of Huffington Post channels so that’s pretty cool . I posted it over a year ago on HuffPo; it’s the reason I have a “job” with HuffPo, but now I’m getting emails, twitterings, Facebookings, and the like about it again. Which is great because I enjoy that article. I had a ton of fun writing it because rage is a very easy emotion for me to convey. Especially in written form.

I should really go check out the article on HuffPo to see if there are any fresh new comments from men asking me if I’ve ever been loved. God, I feed on hate mail/comments. It gives me a whole new kind of shiny outlook on life. Like I’ve made it.

But it helped me realize I not only need to get back to blogging, but I want to.
Because it’s fucking fun to

  1. take the piss out of people.
  2. put words on the internet like every other idiot in the world.


“taking the piss” is one of my favourite things I’ve stolen from Britainland. The first time someone said it to me, I looked down at my crotch with an absolute terrified look on my face thinking I was wetting myself in public. You know, not on purpose.

So, here’s hoping I write more often in here!


10 Responses

  1. “Online fluids of shit”
    Heh, you’re funny. Now I have to go and make dinner with that phrase swirling round my head. Yum!

      1. Thankfully, instructions were already provided by my wife, in vivid blue highlighter, in upper case, with some preparation already complete. You may think I’m the kinda footloose & hip geezer who would ignore this & do my own thang.
        I’m a good boy, I am. I even put mushrooms in & I’m not a big fan.
        For the record: Chicken breasts, red pepper, onion, mushrooms, pan fried, covered in a nice sauce out of a packet, served with baby new potatoes.

  2. Personally, I would crawl over razor-tipped broken glass just to read whatever you choose to write. Okay, maybe not. Still, your exquisite bitchery is a ray of sunshine after the Colonoscopy of Life… πŸ˜‰

    1. I like when friends dedication to reading my shit results in blood. It’s like a blood oath to read my blog. Oh my god, I should definitely force people to draw blood when they subscribe to my blog. Also, I should definitely get a colonoscopy and blog about it.

      You are just FULL of useful suggestions, man.

  3. 1. I have no idea how SEO really works but blogger articles keep telling me how important it is, so now every time SEO is mentioned I just have a little panic attack and then pretend it doesn’t exist. Because I” an adult.
    2. Personally, I’ve always wanted to be kidnapped and then sleep with a buffalo, but now it’s the TRENDY thing. Fucking hipsters.
    3. You’re so badass. Hate mail terrifies me. Thankfully, I’m not popular enough to get it. Oh wait…

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