Carolyn watches Star Wars: Attack of the Clones.

So everyone says I’m going to hate Attack of the Clones more than Phantom Menace. I just…can’t see how it can be worse. There’s no way. I refuse to believe you.

LET’S DO THIS.

Queen to Senator. Okay.

OMG IT WENT UP INSTEAD OF DOWN.

Yesss R2 nice and early.

Maybe Samuel L Jackson will do something in this movie.

So who is going to get…cloned?

OH HI JAR JAR MISSED YOU NEVER.

ClonesSo this guy is a bad guy for sure.

Wait, why does….Annie have the same fucking hair as Obi Wan did in the first movie.

Why does everyone hate acting.

“Dreams pass in time” thanks.

It blows my mind they can make worse looking chase scenes in 2002 than in 1977 but here we are.

“Why do I have a feeling you’re going to be the death of me?” OH OBI-WAN HURR HURR.

Can’t wait for Annie to turn into Darth Vader.

Jar Jar is now Senator. Like, why, Padme. Literally anyone else would do.

Does Hayden still act? Just…can’t picture him getting work after this movie.

OH GOOD A FUCKING ALIEN BAR.

Someone important better be cloned.

I ship R2 & C3PO long before I ship Annie & Padme.

I’M BOOOOOOREEEEDDDDD.

Boba Fett is the best name.

Ah, it’s the birth of the storm troopers as if I…needed their backstory?

THEY GON BANG.

Is Twilight finally a better love story?

You’re so desperate Annie, Christ.

This movie would be a lot better if everyone stopped talking.

Where’s Jabba.

Aww these look like baby death stars.

Yay C3PO.

YOUR VIRGIN MOM IS DEAD ANNIE. Although, not a virgin no mo now that you have a step-brother, EH.

I mean, at least the music in horrendous.

……..Saruman?

Oh look your mom is still alive. That’s a shame.

K NOW SHE’S DEAD. Oh Hayden, you suck at emotions. LOL THAT ANGRY FACE THO.

GO DO SOMETHING SAMUEL STOP SITTING DOWN.

ClonesAww your poor dead mummy.

WHY COULDN’T I SAVE HER I KNOW I COULD HAVE IT’S ALL OBI WAN’S FAULT. Except..not?

Go to the dark side you piece of fucking shit.

Yeah go kill Obi Wan for having nothing to do with your mother’s death, this is fine.

Wahhh my mom died because neither Obi or I knew she was sold to someone else and I wasn’t done my Jedi training therefore everyone should die. Waahhh.

Oh right there still needs to be an…attack…from the clones.

I have more chemistry with Norman Reedus than Padme and Annie do AND HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW I EXIST.

I need Jar Jar to not have a pivotal role in this.

Another fucking Darth?

HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS.

Yesss R2 & C3PO banter.

Lol at Annie’s stupid hand.

“I love you” ….but…why?

I’VE GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS. ugh.

LOL LOL LOL HAHAHAA God I just hate it when I’m fighting an alien monster thing and it rips half my shirt off perfectly exposing my amazing abs.

I hope Padme dies and Annie blames Obi for zero reasons again.

GET IT SAMUEL.

Where are the clones tho.

Oh no not Boba’s dad I care so little.

ClonesClassic Saruman

So…these aren’t storm troopers?

PEW PEW! PEW PEW!

Saruman flying on that thing is amazing.

Infinitely cheering for Saruman over Annie.

LOL BYE ANNIE’S ARM.

Yoda vs Saruman is something I definitely never needed to see. RULE THEM ALL, ONE RING DOES. I’m…sorry.

DO YOU ACTUALLY NEED THAT WALKING STICK THO YODA, DO YOU.

Annie’s new hand LOL.


So that was awful.

But without question, I hated Phantom Menace infinitely more than this. I genuinely don’t understand the point of that movie other than to introduce a bunch of younger shittier versions of actually awesome characters and then poop out some kind of garbage plot.

And subject us to a world of Jar Jar’s.

No.
I will not.

At least the last 20 minutes of this movie were action-y in not a completely horrible way minus Yoda doing flips over Saruman.

Shockingly, Phantom Menace has way better acting. Attack of the Clones was arguably the worst acting I have maybe….ever seen? How. How did anyone get work after this? Hayden Christensen should be banned from acting. Upon review of his IMDb, turns out he kind of was.

Thank God next week is the last of this shit and I can watch good Star Wars again.


All screencaps provided by www.starwarsscreencaps.com

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2 thoughts on “Carolyn watches Star Wars: Attack of the Clones.

  1. Brian Lageose

    From now on, all you have to do to get a giggle out of me is add “PEW PEW! PEW PEW!” to whatever the current blog topic might be. It kills me every time I see it…

    Reply

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