Carolyn watches Star Wars: A New Hope.

Finally, after 29 years of being on this planet, I am watching Star Wars. Forever ago, I watched Harry Potter and “live tweeted” the adventure on here. Once I was done that franchise, I asked which series I should watch next: Twilight, Star Wars, or The Hunger Games. Shockingly, Hunger Games won and I decided screw you people. I don’t want to watch Hunger Games.

So I went with Star Wars.

A lot of people are telling me to just…NOT watch Star Wars at all as they are convinced I won’t like it. I don’t know why, it’s not like I’m not into fantasy/space/sci-fi/epic movies/tv shows. They’re kind of my jam. But those who have said to watch it have said I probably won’t like it.

Here’s what I know about Star Wars going in:

  1. Jar Jar Binks is a thing that has embarrassed the entire franchise although I don’t know why other than looking at his stupid face and thinking “you…should probably not exist.”
  2. Darth Vader is Luke’s dad.
  3. Luke and Leia are brother and sister.
  4. Chewy, C3P0, and R2D2 are….things.
  5. Young Harrison Ford is sexy as hell.
  6. The newer 3 movies are trash.
  7. “These are not the droids you’re looking for” is a saying that I hear/and have definitely used only replace ‘droid’ with anything else. I don’t know the context of it at all. I assume…someone is looking for…droids….to be completely honest, I don’t know what a droid is.

LET’S FIND OUT.

A New Hope.

Star WarsYes, love the opening scene with the STAR WARS logo and song. It’s so Star Wars.

HAHAHAHAHAHAA C3P0 & R2D2. LOLOLOL. I don’t know why these two “running” down the hallway is hilarious, but it is.

I like that the storm troopers guns literally go “pew pew pew pew” PEW PEW. PEW PEW! Least threatening “bad guys” ever.

C3P0 and R2D2 kill me. Already my favourite characters.

C3P0 reminds me of Rupert Giles season 1. Just a frantic Brit.

I definitely didn’t think Dark Vader spoke….other than Luke, I am Your Father.

Way to get captured incredibly easily Leia.

No, don’t separate while you’re in the desert. UNWISE.

Star Wars

giphy

This made me laugh way more than it probably should have.

The fuck are these things. Are they the….fuzzy things?

Welp, so far this is just a really bad Doctor Who episode circa Eccleston.

OH look a….dinosaur….thing.

I..I’m going to need humans soon.

AH just in the nick of time. Sup Luke Skywalker!

Oh great, Luke is a whine-y bitch.

Star WarsSuch majestic.

R2D2 I love you. You emote better than Kristen Stewart and you are sans face and words.

Fuck you Obi-Wan, how do you not remember owning R2D2? Worst friend ever.

YOUR FATHER ISN’T DEAD LUKE. He’s just evil.

It would have been better if Obi said “I need your help, Luke. I’m getting too old for this shit.”

Why does Darth Vader sound like Mufasa.

MUFASA DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO USE THE FORCE.

I just want James Earl Jones to read to me.

OH GOD. Just….here’s your aunt and uncle, Luke. BURNT UP SKELETONS. Worst.

“These are not the droids you’re looking for.” YES.

I BET WE MEET HAN SOLO IN THIS ALIEN BAR.

Ahh! Chewbacca!

Oh young Harrison Ford. A delight.

Indiana Jones is so much hotter than Han Solo.

Is this…….Men in Black.

Star WarsHAHAHAHAHA Jabba. Oh my god. I forgot about this big…slug. Hilarious.

THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS.

“pew pew pew” – all guns.

Man, so many sayings I’ve heard and here they all are.

THAT’S NO MOON, THAT’S A SPACE STATION.

Everything is killing me.

For the 70s, this shit is on POINT. Insanely ahead of its time. Incredibly impressive.

Alderaan sure looks a lot like Earth.

WELP, BYE EARTH. That was a dick move.

I wish Luke’s hair wasn’t the same colour as his skin.

“I must fight Darth by myself.” – So Obi is going to die for sure.

Star WarsIs there a point to Chewy other than pure comedy? Hrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

The fact that Luke keeps looking at Leia the way he is is just. No. I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING. STOP IT.

Oh no, Luke is getting eaten by a garbage snake. I’m…upset…zero percent.

That definitely seems like a safe spot, Obi. Right on the edge of the platform. Man, you better not die in the first movie. Although…if you do, I will probably see you again…because…of the movie order….I understand nothing.

NO. DON’T KISS HIM FFS THAT’S YOUR BROTHER.

Obi vs Mufasa fight scene is incredibly weak AHHHH NO! OBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. GODDAMMIT.

God, the acting is just. Super……Very…..70s.

I definitely hate Leia’s hair.

UGH R2D2 AND C3P0 IS STILL A BETTER LOVE STORY THAN TWILIGHT.

USE THE FORCE LUKE. SOMETHING YOU DIDN’T HAVE LIKE A DAY AGO.

I actually didn’t see Han coming. I would have taken the money and run.

OH. So that destroyed the Death Star completely. I….probably should have known that?

R2D2! No! “he’ll be alright” fuck you Luke, what do you know.

Maybe Han and the siblings can have a threesome what with all the google-y eyes.

R2D2 SURVIVES!

Fucking Chewy. HHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Star WarsOh, that’s the end of the movie. That was wildly abrupt. #70s.


So, it might shock you to learn that I REALLY liked this movie. Kept me continuously hella entertained. I was constantly thinking about the audience watching this in theatre’s back in the 70s and I’m super jealous. The only thing I can compare it to is watching Lord of the Rings for the first time and being like HOW ARE THEY DOING ANY OF THIS.

I love R2D2 and Obi.
I strongly dislike Luke Skywalker.
Chewy kills me dead.

I DEFINITELY NEEDED TO EDIT THIS AS I KEPT CALLING C3PO 3CPO.
THAT’S MY BAD.


All screen caps provided by http://starwarsscreencaps.com/

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6 thoughts on “Carolyn watches Star Wars: A New Hope.

  1. isaidnoh

    1. Read the Hunger Games, not watch.

    2. You gotta check out Bad Lip Reading (on youtube) and watch Bushes of Love, and after you have seen the other movies, Not the Future. I apologize in advance that they will get stuck in your head.

    Reply
  2. nick

    At the end…
    Chewy: HHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

    Translation = Where’s MY fucking medal you racist wankers?

    Love this film, despite its clear flaws. You’re right, for 1976/77 this is spectacularly impressive. Same goes for Bladerunner & Alien, just a few years later.

    Really looking forward to Rogue One, the story of how Leia & R2D2 got hold of the Death Star plans. 🙂

    Reply

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