America – FUCK YEAH

I know what you’re ALL thinking, “oh my God a Monday has passed and Lady Dicks here forgot to do a Motivational Mondays with Jess segment!” and first of all, how dare you. Maybe I didn’t forget, maybe I was too busy, maybe I was dying, you don’t know me. Secondly, yes, I totally did forget until about 9:59pm last night and thought to myself ugh, I could get up and do it, but….laying down watching The Mighty Boosh is infinitely more appealing. And so, we move on.

Yesterday, my friend Nick wrote something about America that I found myself nodding to every word he wrote. Then I promptly told him I wanted to steal what he said and blog it, to which he foolishly agreed.

Enjoy. Or don’t. I don’t give a shit.

No one Americas harder than NASCAR.

Not the NFL. Not the NBA. Not the NHL (of course). Not even car salesmen or political candidates, even.

No, sir. When it comes some hardcore, rough, hard, 50 States of Grey Americaing without mercy, and without a reach around, NASCAR is it.

Especially on the eve of the 15th anniversary of 9/11.




Guys. So much America.

The only thing that would make this crowd any more American is if everyone gave a beej to a bald eagle and SWALLOWED THE CUM OF FREEDOM!!!

I think it’s safe to say that NASCAR makes patriotism a spectator sport.

It’s probably safe to assume that no one at a NASCAR race would dare disrespect the flag or the anthem. That’s right… God and country.

But wait. Let’s look at this sequence of pictures…





Look closely.

That’s the American flag. Old Glory. The Stars and Stripes….

…on the ground. In front of God, country, 60,000 people in the stands, and millions more watching on television.

So, let me get this straight. We are going to get all up in arms about people not standing during the Anthem, but it’s okay for a corporately-sponsored parachutist, floating from the air under a corporately-advertised and labelled parachute, with an American flag on his foot… and it’s okay for him to, quite literally, drag the American flag through the mud.

And if that’s not enough, let’s have two paratroopers drag two American flags through the mud.

Guys, not even figuratively drag the flag through the mud. They literally dragged the flags through the mud.

And it’s not like there were people running up to scoop the flag off of the turf and asphalt.

But it’s okay… it’s okay to drag the flag through the mud. As long as it looks cool. As long as it’s in the name of patriotism. As long as it’s all part of the show.

But no- by all means, let’s get our panties in a wad about someone who doesn’t want to stand during the Anthem.

You want to see other people not want to stand during the National Anthem? Go to any military base.

That’s right. A military base.

When I was in the Air Force, they would play the National Anthem at the same time every day. If you were outside and in uniform, you had to stop what you were doing, come to attention, and salute.

Sure, there were tons of folks who did as they should. But, I always thought it was amusing to watch scores of military members in uniform scurry to the nearest building or to the nearest vehicle to avoid having to stand during the National Anthem.

Is that not a form of protest, too? And I bet some of those people are the same people who are sooooo upset and offended at the athletes not standing during the anthem.


And, oh by the way…

If you walk around in a hardhat displaying the Confederate flag above the American flag…


or, if you don’t display the American flag at ALL…


then, I don’t think you really have a say in the matter.


8 Responses

  1. Ha, this reminded me of my Navy Years when I would run into the nearest building when I heard the PA system crackle before the National Anthem. Funny it was that way for the other services. I personally would like to have “America the Beautiful” as the National Anthem, at least it doesn’t mention slaves.

  2. The same people that are ripping Colin Kaepernick apart are the same people who at the games keep their hat on during the anthem, chow down on wings at the bar while the anthem is playing before the game.

    He’s not spitting on the flag, burning it or anything like that…

    I wish America didn’t have such shit glossed over their eyes. anonymous

  3. Gotta love it. Now I’m going to have that song stuck in my head all day. “Here to save the motherfuckin’ day, yeah!”

    I have to say – I’m quite a fan of “Lady Dicks”. BIG FAN. If I were you, I’d refer to myself in 3rd person all the time with that name.

  4. Your blog sucks big time. i cannot believe you would write this garbage. obviously, someone told you that they liked this crap. Stick to your day job, that is, if you have one.

  5. To non-Americans, the US preoccupation with patriotism is quite odd. In the UK we used to be quite proud of the fact that we weren’t into flag-waving hysteria, until the grim shadow of UKIP and Brexit came crawling up from some dank, slimy cesspit of warped history. Hey ho.
    I wish we had a different national anthem cos to an atheist with republican sympathies like me, it means absolutely nothing. There’s no mention of my fellow citizens, the land we live in or our values. So if we remove the references to monarch (who I don’t have anything against as a person, just as an over privileged bit of hereditary bling) and deity (which is obviously made-up), there’s not a lot left, lyric-wise:

    Save our gracious
    Long live our noble
    Save the
    Send victorious
    Happy & glorious
    Long to [do something else]
    Save the

    It’s a bit shit, isn’t it?

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