There are a million travel blogs out there and I always wanted to be one of them. But because I found having one single niche was really hard to keep up with when you aren’t traveling continuously, I gave up on that and became a nicheless blog. I don’t need you, niche. You’re not my real mom. As you’ve noticed (or not because you don’t give a shit) I haven’t written in about a month. That’s because I was in Europe! I had this fabulous plan of sitting in cafes on my lap top and writing about the amazingness that is traveling whilst traveling but instead, I ignored my blog.
So here is a tiny step by step guide on how to suck ass at writing a blog. Which I just spelled ‘blug’. Really, that’s what this is. A blug.
Definitely don’t bring your lap top with you.
Yeah, usually step one to writing a travel blog is to bring a goddamn Writing Device with you on the trip. Our first trip to Europe three years ago, we brought out lap top. But we were also gone for 6 months, had no idea when we were returning, and set up an actual travel blog for the trip. It was kind of a bitch to carry around, not that I knew as I forced Husband Graeme to carry it. Sucker.
This time I figured, eh, when I feel like writing, I’ll just go to an internet cafe and do so. Well, that backfired forever. First of all, WHERE DID THE INTERNET CAFES GO? I didn’t see a single one. Did they all shut down because everywhere has wifi now and people bring electronics with them everywhere? I think I just answered my question accurately af.
That nice travel journal you brought with you instead? Don’t write in it at all ever.
Because we decided 4 minutes before we left to Europe that we weren’t bringing the lap top, Husband Graeme went out and bought me a lovely notebook with one of my favourite quotes on the cover.
Of course this is one of my favourite quotes, LoTR’s is an all time favourite and I’m a basic white girl THEY GO HAND IN HAND.
I didn’t touch it once. That’s a lie, I opened it once to keep a postcard flat. Graeme would often mention it and be like “hey remember when I was really nice and bought you this obviously pointless notebook?” Why yes, yes I do. I can’t help it. Now that I’m a Writer of Online, I can’t…pen. It’s not fast enough. I’m the worst, I’m aware.
Make sure you don’t take infinity pictures to choose from.
The few travel bloggers I follow on twitter will often talk about how they spent all morning, afternoon, or sometimes DAY touching up their pictures. That sounds like my goddamn nightmare. But these people also get paid to travel so clearly what the hell do I know.
I am a picture whore and proud of it. I don’t care if I annoy or embarrass you when I pull my phone out constantly and snap a picture. Pictures are fun and I have a wildly unnecessary obsession with instagram. I personally think I’m pretty not garbage at taking good pictures, but I didn’t take an infinity amount on this trip. It’s almost like, by the sounds of this blog post, I actually wanted to enjoy myself on the trip. WEIRD. SO WEIRD.
I’ve grown to dislike most travel blogs now. A thousand years ago when I first started reading them I was just in awe of everyone’s travels. Now that I’m well traveled myself, I realize how not glamorous it is and no one ever shows it. It’s annoying and fake. All the pictures are 100% perfect in every way down to peoples goddamn outfits. WHO TAKES HAIR PRODUCT AND HIGH HEELS WITH THEM WHEN THEY TRAVEL JESUS.
The irony of me bitching about this is if you click on my instagram link above you’ll notice that I have a post of me with my hair done and snazzy outfit BUT IT WAS OUR SECOND LAST DAY THERE AND GIRLFRIEND WENT SHOPPING GOD.
Try to forget everything about your trip almost immediately.
I mean, you didn’t bring a proper technology device to type on, you didn’t update your Write With Your Hands Like A Peasant journal, nor did you take 4 million pictures of everything, so halfway through your trip you’re like “I’ll just write when I get home, no big deal” but then you get home and it felt like June 8th was 13 years ago. I mean, there WAS a June 8th 13 years ago but good Lord, this trip was SO long. And I mean that in a good way. I’m just old and tired.
Upon looking back at the pictures I did take of our trip, I went back to the beginning which was Poland. I didn’t recognize half the pictures and the other half I was like “oh yeah, that happened.” So once I get around to actually writing about the places we went to it’s basically going to be like “this was probably awesome and memorable because of things.”
I am the best.
This is a statue.