Well, that sounds sexual. I did not have sexual relations with weird men this weekend.
I tend to rarely have a normal night out. I have this natural affinity to draw in the weird men, which, I actually quite enjoy. It gives for an interesting conversation and story afterwards. Whether it’s a 5 minute chit chat with the weirdos or a full evening, it’s never a dull moment up in this bitch. Which, unfortunately or fortunately pending on the person, means the friend I’m with gets to deal with the shenanigans I bring forth.
After 3 beers and an unnecessary Irish car bomb, which I always thought was disgusting but have come to the revelation that it isn’t, my friend and I left the bar after work and ran into 2 Irish dudes who asked if we were on TV, if we were famous.
“Is it because….we’re wearing sunglasses?” I asked while looking at them like they were idiots. Not that they could tell, because of the sunglasses. They just drunkenly went on and on and asked if they could buy us drinks. I told them they just saw us leave the bar so no, we would not like more drinks.
It was time to cross the road and one of the Irish gents gave me his business card and told me to call him. As we walked down the road, I finally looked at the card he gave me and laughed my goddamn ass off.
It had his name, phone number, Facebook page, P.O Box: What’s Your Number?, and his ever loving fake ass company at the top: Head In The Clouds LTD: Ireland’s No 1 Cloud Expert. Then my friend said their Irish accents were totally all kinds of fake.
We had a solid laugh after that.
Husband Graeme and a friend of ours went to a pub around 10:30 last night to grab a brew. Because it was so nice outside, we sat on the patio when no one else did. Almost done our first round, a man came up to us holding a giant fake fish. He immediately says to us “hey, what celebrity does my fish friend look like?” I immediately yelled out “Steve Buscemi” because, yeah, the fish had a big mouth with wonky teeth and googly eyes.
Everyone strongly agreed. Then the dude asked which celebrity HE looked like and I immediately yelled out “Tom Green”. My ability to nail a celebrity look a like is on fleek. But then he said “oh, I don’t look like a cross between Keanu Reeves and Justin Long?” and THAT comparison was something you could not unsee.
But then he asked us to name 4 Keanu Reeves movies and he would act them out. I said The Matrix because what other movie….is…he in. Oh, Speed! I should have said Speed. Our friend said Bill & Ted and Graeme came up with nothing. So this guy starts acting out a Keanu scene in each of these movies but basically, he just….danced…in a circle on the spot and then asked for money.
Maybe it WAS Keanu.