My awesome and hilarious friend Blair over at The Shameful Sheep shared with us a tale in which she was a victim to not Keeping Your Hands To Yourself and was randomly grabbed on the ass by a stranger while out grocery shopping. Thanks to the shock that goes with this fun experience, she did nothing about it. Which is fair, because I’ve fucking been there and now it’s time for me to tell my story.
Naturally, her take on it is more chill and comical than mine as I am filled with rage at almost all times forever.
Back when I was sixteen, my friend and I went to an Edmonton Eskimos game (CFL football for the millions who have no idea what I just said). I don’t think we were there with either of our parents as I think they were just picking us up afterwards. I don’t remember the score or anything at all about the game. The only thing I remember was that it was nice out as I was only wearing a light sweater. White, with a hood. And some jeans.
After the game, my friend and I were walking along the concourse that was outside on the east side. I look up and see this tall, blonde man who was alone, walking towards us. No big deal, the place was pretty packed. I look back at my friend and all of a sudden I feel this strange mans hand on my chest fondling my goodies. And then he was gone. It happened SO fast.
“What the FUCK?” I stopped and looked around. My friend asked me what was wrong but it felt so goddamn out of whack that I couldn’t speak. About 2 minutes had passed and I told her what happened. “What the hell, why didn’t you say anything??”
I haven’t shared this story with anyone until today but Blair’s post pissed me off so much that I needed to vent about it. Just so all you fucking idiot men and women who think this is a compliment are aware, this is sexual assault and it’s not okay. You did not have my permission to touch me. You did not have permission to touch Blair. Where is it we can go, exactly, without being targets? Also, strange older man randomly grabbing at sixteen year old girls chests, you are a fucking pedophile, congratulations. I hope a woman has never touched your wiener.
I hate that I remember this story as vividly as I do, but that’s what happens when this kind of shit goes down. A 5 second fondle from a complete stranger, and it’s ingrained in the membrane, ingrained in the brain.
The fact that both Blair and I let it happen without repercussion drives me mad. I’m not blaming Blair at all, it’s a weird situation to be in and you have no idea what goes through the mind unless you’ve had it happen to you. But let me tell you: if tall, blonde man had done this to me now (or any man in the future, just an FYI), I will grab your pathetic sack of nuts and squeeze until you can belt out Madame fucking Butterfly with ease.
Unless I give you permission to get all up on my grill, stay the fuck away from me.