Well, I’ve had my blog for roughly two and a half months now so clearly I know everything about everything when it comes to blogging. I’m practically a pro. I don’t need no blogging tips. LIES. These are all lies. Over the past two months, I’ve been looking around online to see how I can improve this bitch. I’ve taken into consideration a few things but there are some tips I just…can’t…give a shit to do. Maybe down the road when my blog isn’t such a fetus anymore, I will actually change my mind of such advice.
But today is not that day.
1. Give Stuff Away.
No. I don’t want to. I realize this is a great way to draw in viewership as people are slaves to free shit, but this is not my jam. Also, I have nothing of value to give away, nor do I want to give away any of my own shit. What am I going to do, go out and BUY stuff to give away to a random stranger? That sounds like something I’m not going to do.
Then I would have to randomly pick someone to win and I’d feel bad for all the losers and beg for them to stay and be my friend and guarantee that they will EVENTUALLY win something. WHICH MEANS I WOULD HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN.
So, now that I’ve complained and said I wouldn’t give anything away, I’m here to announce that I am giving away this pen:
Yep, I’m dead serious.
This pen can be yours for free! Just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject PEN and tell me why you should be picked to receive this pen. I actually quite like this pen. It hasn’t been used as I just got it, but it’s purple and when I tested it, it writes nicely.
Basically, it’s a pen.
I will choose the winner on March 9th. Don’t forget, if you want to win, you have to be willing to give me your address so I can mail it to you. Don’t worry, I probably won’t stalk you.
2. Be Consistent.
This basically means I should pick certain days I should write on and stick to them. Some people pick Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Others will do Monday – Friday. Weekends only. Etc, etc. I thought long and hard about doing this but then I realized I have a life outside of this blog and I tend to procrastinate at all times forever. The other problem I have with this advice is what if I don’t have anything to write about on the day I have to post?
I don’t think that would be a huge issue for me as I could probably blog every damn day. I choose not to strictly because that would be annoying as hell.
I know the advice out there is that if you want your blog to become wildly successful to the point you could quit your day job, you practically need to dedicate every waking moment of your life to your blog until it’s perfection.
That sounds boring. And hard. So, I’m just going to keep posting my shit whenever the hell I want and just pretend like I’m doing the right thing.
3. Use Proper Capitalization In Your Titles.
As you can see, I have chosen to ignore this one big time. The correct way to title this post is 6 Blogging Tips I Have Chosen to Ignore. When I’m posting an article on another website like Huffington Post, I definitely follow the rules. Chances are, if I don’t, they’ll just do it for me anyways which has totally happened. #nailedit.
But on my own personal blog, I’mma title shit the way I want to title shit. I’ve noticed on basically 99% of all blogs, people follow this rule. But if my favourite blogger, The Bloggess, who is insanely successful and perfect in every way can get away with not capitalizing shit correctly, I don’t see why I can’t either.
4. Pick A Niche And Stick With It.
What is your blog about?
No, no, no, no, sometimes. Everyone is thankful that there are blogs out in this interwebby world that you can look up and have the perfect advice for what you need. My blog is not that. I actually was going to start a travel blog before I realized I had a lot more to talk about than just travel. So it became a…..I Don’t Even Know blog. I guess lifestyle? Even though I’m not a huge fan of that word. It doesn’t fall under any niche. It’s nicheless. And I enjoy it more this way.
This is a tip I will never follow.
5. Make Sure Your Blog Looks Professional.
Sure, I could hire someone to make my blog look like I actually know what I’m doing regarding CSS, HTML and other…words I don’t really understand all to well, but do you know how much it costs to get a profesh site? MONEY. That’s how much. And probably a lot too. Not that I’ve actually researched it at all but I would rather put my hard earned money (not really) towards something I really really want or need. Like a cheeseburger.
Also, my background colour is Tardis blue so fuck you.
6. Make Sure You Summarize At The End Of Each Post.