You know what’s awful? Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. You know what show I really like watching? Sex and the City. I watched the first movie a couple years ago and it infuriated the hell out of me. Classic Carrie and Big, right? Well, I watched the second movie this weekend and it pissed me off just as much as the first one. These movies never should have been made.
I realize I’m very behind on the times for bitching about SATC but deal with it. I’m the worst hipster ever, I never do or see anything first.
So in the first movie, it was all about Big and Carrie’s wedding. Hurray, these two people who are completely wrong for each other are tying the knot; love is great. I’ve always hated Big and Carrie together ever since they first started dating. He was obviously emotionally unavailable and Carrie is the Queen of All Emotions in the Kingdom of Feelings. I think they dated 3 times? Before finally being like FINE, CHRIST, I AM OBVIOUSLY ADDICTED TO YOU, LET’S JUST SETTLE FOR EACH OTHER BECAUSE WE’RE GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT.
But not before she completely ruins her Actual Only Good Relationship Ever with Aidan and helps destroy Big’s marriage. Way to be the other woman, you bitch.
Coming back to the movie, the wedding is becoming more and more extravagant. Something Big doesn’t want but Carrie, being the bratty narcissist we all want our little girls looking up to, ignores his wishes and let’s the wedding planning spiral out of control. Screw the men, they just have to show up right?
NOT BIG. Big pulls a Classic Big by fucking off and leaving Carrie at the goddamn alter. WHO DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING. Well, actually, me. I think I remember yelling at my TV:
“for ACTUAL fucks sake, you’ve got to be kidding me.”
This had to be it. There was NO coming back. Naturally, Carrie and the ladies go on Big and hers goddamn honeymoon which, side bar, WHO DOES THAT? BESIDES EVERYONE IN MOVIES? It’s so fucking annoying. I digress. Obviously she has the worst time ever until Charlotte becomes the butt end of another joke. Once home, she eventually goes and finds Big and they fall in love again and they finally get married.
Nothing says This Man Is Trustworthy like leaving you abruptly 4 times, one of them being on your wedding day. Sign me the fuck up for that.
So, in the second movie. Carrie is now bored with life because Big bought a TV and her life just isn’t that glamorous anymore. What the hell do you want, woman? You have your dream crappy husband, a dream loft in Manhattan, a dream job anyone would love. Let your man watch some fucking TV.
Because of reasons, Samantha landed a gig to go to Abu Dhabi to discuss business and live lavishly for a week. BUT NOT WITHOUT HER GIRLS. Ahh, this life though. So realistic.
Whilst parading around in the Souks, in the most ridiculous outfit you could find (okay fine, totally loved it, but not overly appropriate), Carrie runs into Aidan because of course. Obviously she chalks this up to being more than just a random coincidence and goes out on a date with him, but not before attacking Charlotte about her insecurities in her marriage. Seriously, how does Carrie have friends.
Let’s be real, this was a fucking date. The swanky hotel, her goddamn outfit, EVERYTHING.
I goddamn hate shaming what women wear, but girlfriend was on a mission here. The fact that they made out after the dinner was completely not shocking. Classic Carrie not knowing what the fuck she’s doing. You cheated on Aidan with Big and now you cheat on Big with Aidan. You are ridiculous.
“Yes I wanted the flirting and yes I wanted the attention, but I didn’t want the kiss.” – Carrie
When Carrie gets home, Big is eventually there to forgive her and present her with a giant diamond ring. Sure. Cheating on your husband with your ex = gifts!
The only part of this second movie that involved Carrie that didn’t make me want to throw my non-Manolo’s at the screen, was at the beginning when Carrie and Big shut down that other couple who were judging them for not wanting kids. Assholes. Go be judge-y assholes somewhere else.
Twilight might actually be a better love story than this garbage.
So, to sum up, if I ever pop out a child and they wind up telling me they want a love story like Carrie and Big, I’ll know I failed as a fucking parent.