If you’ve ever said “sooo, when are you two getting married?!” this post is for you.

I think it was after 3 years of Graeme and I dating that the questions started coming.

So when are you two going to get married?
Do you know when you want to get married?
Now that you’re in a serious relationship, when’s the wedding?
When is he going to propose?

And it just starts with one person. And then someone will overhear that one person and they’ll ask you. And then it turns into a fucking Pyramid Scheme of Pressure.

The question is always ”when?”

What do you mean WHEN? Why wasn’t I even GIVEN an option? If I have a boyfriend, I have to get married? Because that is what you are implying. Of course you love the guy, but once you are the lobster being tossed into the slow cooking death pot, YOU CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT ”omg am I going to marry him? is he the one?”

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When this shit started happening to me, it was the worst. Unfortunately, I had huge commitment issues, but because Graeme and I were ~~~the perfect couple~~~, everyone was adamant that we were soul mates and had to get married like tomorrow.

  1. I don’t believe in soul mates.
  2. I am WELL aware we are the perfect couple. flips hair
  3. Does that have to lead to marriage? You know what comes after marriage? DIVORCE. But not until you pop out the baby you think will save your marriage.

So with everyone being like ERMAHGERD MERRERGE, out of literally fucking nowhere, I became Chandler Bing. Graeme wanted to move in together and I was like NOPE. He wanted to get joined banking accounts and I was like NOPE. But if it hadn’t been for all the continuous external marriage talk, I doubt I would have been as hardcore about the NOPE’s.

I’ve never overly cared about marriage. I didn’t know if Graeme was a LET’S GET MARRIED AT SOME POINT kind of person. The only thing I knew is whether he wanted children or not. Which is WAY more important than marriage, let’s be real.

The best part about WHEN he proposed is that we were off on our European adventure. It was just the two of us lounging away in Croatia. No one to wish us congratulations, no one to ask us 1000 questions about the wedding we clearly hadn’t planned yet, nothing. It was quiet and perfection.

totally…not the face I made…when he popped the question…

You may not realize it, but you are pressuring the hell out of these couples and making them either nervous as hell that they’re not ready OR questioning why the fuck their boyfriend HASN’T proposed yet. And my personal favourite: getting asked about it for years and then breaking up. Cue the sad eyes from all your friends.

“Oh she knows I’m just kidding around….she knows I’m just joking with her…”
“Oh, I’m just askinggggg, it’s not a big deeeeeeal.”

You are just one person. Imagine every single person she knows asking her the same shit every friggin day. It’s tiresome and annoying. She might not look like it on the outside but deep down inside she is screaming at you to shut the fuck up. Here’s another thought, maybe she doesn’t want to get married. SHOCK AND AWE, I KNOW RIGHT.

So, to all you clueless men and women out there who are harassing your friends about how like totally cool it would be if they like totally got married next even though you like totally only bother them about it in a joking way once in a while, perk your fucking ears (or eyeballs in this case I suppose) up and just STOP.


10 Responses

  1. I hated those questions. Then the engagement ring was barely on my finger when people started asking about babies. Um, can we just get through the wedding first? Maybe one thing at a time? Kthanks.

  2. So I clicked on this hoping it was a Goblet of Fire review in disguise…because well you know, Polyjuice potion in blog form. I was disappointed

  3. The only thing worse than the “OMG when are you getting married?” is the “OMG how are you still single?” it has that extra flare of pity and it’s the same goddamn people asking!

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