Yeah I’m married, so what?

Here’s the thing: men in uniform are my jam. I know, I know, I’m objectifying men and it’s terrible, but I can’t help it. Just like some men out there can’t help the fact that cheerleaders and flight attendants are their jam. Everyone has a jam and it’s all fun and games until you start cat calling, flirting unwantedly and/or put your hands all up on my junk. That’s when shit’s about to get real.

You can look, but don’t get creepy with it.

Some of my favourite work moments are when we have fire drills.

  1. You get to go outside.
  2. You get a break from working.
  3. Firemen.

Because I’m a Fire Marshall….Person, I have to stay inside at the front doors and make sure the the building is cleared out, which means I get to be near the firemen when they come inside. There was one fire drill where a LOT of firemen were called out and they all crammed into the vestibule (not a euphemism for my vagina) like sexy sardines and were all sweaty and had like, perfect teeth. It was great.

But after the day was done, I told some people about this and the response was like I had just shoved my tongue down the throats of these firemen and fondled their goodies. Apparently when you’re married, you can’t talk about this shit with everyone.

Just because I have a ring on my finger does not mean all men and women (waiting for your phone call Mila Kunis) are officially unattractive to me. Just because I find someone attractive does not mean I’m going to act on it. I have eyeballs that link to my brain and female-y parts that can’t help but scream out “daaaaaaamn, son.”

Just as I suspect, and know, my husband does the same thing when a female with a nice bum walks by. HE GON CHECK IT OUT. My husband is all about the ass and not for one second do I feel threatened by him checking out another woman. Who gives a shit. There are 92864928364892 human beings on this planet, chances are you’re going to find someone besides your spouse attractive.

But at the same time, I’m very secure about myself and my marriage so all of this is very easy for me to say. I know there are men and women out there who are insecure about themselves and feel unwanted/emasculated/pissed off when their spouse looks at someone else. I think the biggest reason for this is if you’ve been cheated on. Knowing from experience, it’s hard to move past that, but you can’t bring that shit into your next relationship. You can’t go into a new relationship thinking it’s going to happen again or honey, your love life is going to be very difficult.

You have to trust your spouse. And if you don’t, chances are this isn’t going to work out.

249187_293486024119815_1586525950_nHow could I not trust this bearded beauty?


3 Responses

  1. I’ve been married for many a year, and I still check out other dudes. I have told my husband about my completely inappropriate attraction to Nicolas Hoult. I have even had mini-crushes on other guys. Even if you have a bag lunch, there is no issue with checking out what’s on the buffet. Alternately, it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home. I’ll stop with the gross food metaphors now.

  2. Absolutely nothing wrong with checking out other people. Hell, I’m pretty open about who I think is hot. I’m not married, but I may as well be – been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years and live together. I simply don’t voice my opinions about people we actually know (because proximity breeds jealousy – emotions are not rational) and do not hang solo with male friends I have any interest in (because I know myself well enough that it’s better to just avoid that temptation).

    But, I’m also not someone that assumes monogamy is the only option or what works for everyone. It’s just the arrangement my SO and I have and has no bearing on anyone else.

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