10 Things Men Find Unattractive About Women.

According to this article, these are the things men find unattractive about us women, written by a woman. You don’t need to read it because I break it ALL down, baby.

On Makeup:
Keep it natural. Men don’t want to go in for a kiss and come out looking like they just joined the circus. Remember, foundation is supposed to be invisible to others and blend in with your skin. Stay away from glittery or shimmering eye makeup and NEVER use clumpy mascara. Minimal makeup is sexier.

What Carolyn Says:
Yes, foundation is supposed to blend and clumpy mascara is no ones friend, but if I want to wear glitter and shimmery eye makeup, I’m gonna wear the fuck out of it. If I want to wear bright red lipstick and you have this fear of looking like a clown after kissing me? Honey, that’s your problem, not mine.

thanks mom.

On Hair:
While a fancy hairstyle may be ok for a glamorous night out, men prefer natural-looking hair. It’s more attractive to look at and feels nicer to touch when it’s free of gels or sticky products.

What Carolyn Says:
Well, I have naturally curly hair so don’t fucking touch it. And when I have my Men Preferred Natural Looking Hair, I am 90% of the time, not a fan. It’s half curly, half frizzy, and pretty heinous to look at so I’m gonna go ahead and DO MY hair. I don’t like my hair all natural, I don’t give a shit if you do.

obviously YOU don’t have naturally curly hair.

On Shaving:
For the love of all that’s smooth – please shave. Men associate hair with testosterone and testicles so they don’t want to see it on a woman. Men like touching soft skin so say bye bye to the fuzz and make sure you use moisturizers and lotions to keep your skin smooth. It will send the message that you care about your hygiene.

What Carolyn Says:
I can’t stop laughing at this. I CAN’T. I shave dem pits pretty much every 3 days. I don’t like armpit hair. I’m a pretty sweaty person so having armpit hair makes me sweat more. But if you want to wave your armpit hair like you just don’t care, YOU DO YOU. Other than that, I am 1000% too lazy to keep up with shaving. Shaving is annoying. Men don’t have to shave, why the fuck do I? Right, because society!

When it comes to shaving your lady bits, preferences gonna preference. I’d rather keep that shit tidied up because otherwise it looks like the equivalent of dressing your cat up in human clothes. But if men are going to get all EW GROSS I ASSOCIATE HAIR WITH TESTOSTERONE AND TESTICLES, please step away from my vagina.

In the winter, I shave my legs maybe once every 3 months. Bitch, I live in basically the tundra so I gotta keep warm. If you think I’m wearing anything but pants in the winter, you have another thing coming. In the summer, I shave my legs when I can start feeling the wind all up that bidniz. But because I’ve been #blessed with blonde hair, I don’t shave that often. When it comes to MY body, I will go ahead and do what I please. AS EVERYONE SHOULD.

And just because I don’t wax every fucking part of my body everyday to resemble a toddler doesn’t mean I don’t care about my hygiene. Fuck you.

GROSS.

On Dental Hygiene:
Let’s face it ladies – men look at our mouths. Bad breath and discoloured teeth are unattractive to the opposite sex. Cut down on the coffee or red wine. Use whitening toothpaste or strips to brighten your smile and ALWAYS carry gum or breath helpers in your purse. You never know when that kiss may be coming.

What Carolyn Says:
I don’t drink coffee or red wine but if I did, I probably wouldn’t give it up just to find myself a suitable mate. I basically never have gum or breath helpers (…tic tacs?) in my purse. So if my guy kisses me and notices that my mouth wasn’t just DENTIST APPROVED, will he be FOREVER REPULSED BY ME? Well if that’s the case, he is clearly way too high maintenance for me and can go suck a dick. DON’T FORGET THE BREATH MINTS.

“You never know when that kiss may be coming.”
RAPE.

my mouth is doing just fine thanks.

On Wearing Perfume:
Do NOT over compensate. Men don’t want to smell you a mile away. Use one drop of your favourite perfume and it will be enough to keep him wondering about what else you have to offer.

What Carolyn Says:
That entire last sentence gives me life. OMG I HOPE THIS ONE DROP OF PERFUME MAKES HIM REALIZE I AM SECRETLY OFFERING MY COMPLETELY WAXED TODDLER VAGINA. SHIT. I USED TWO DROPS, NOW HE WILL THINK I’M DISGUSTING, QUICK, I NEED TO WIPE OFF ALL THIS MAKEUP AND WASH MY HAIR.

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here is my giant mouth that I can offer for the obvious implication that I am willing to put your dong inside me because I only wore one drop of perfume.

On Alcohol:
Sure, a man likes to hang with a woman who knows how to have a good time but know when enough is enough. No man wants to see a woman puking in the bar bathroom or falling down on the dance floor.

What Carolyn Says:
If you peruse my Facebook page, you will find that this isn’t true. I’ve puked in every bar in Edmonton. I’ve fallen down on every dance floor in Edmonton. I still have a husband, PRAISE JESUS M I RITE?!

drunk Carolyn is the best Carolyn.

On Negativity:
Men like happy, positive women. So don’t complain about the lack of service at a restaurant or how long you had to wait in a line. Show your upbeat personality.

What Carolyn Says:
Um. No. But thanks. Imma ‘splain to you when I’m not happy about something. I am not a robot. I am a human person who complains about shit. And you’re going to hear about it. And guess what! I want to know what grinds your gears! Because humans! But I’m a woman so I guess I’ll just keep my goddamn mouth shout. I AM CURRENTLY SO UPBEAT, HAPPY, AND POSITIVE ABOUT STANDING OUTSIDE IN -40 DEGREE WEATHER BECAUSE WE ARE WAITING IN LINE TO GET INTO THIS PIECE OF SHIT CLUB. IS IT OKAY THAT MY HAIR IS DONE UP BY USING PRODUCT? PLEASE APPROVE THIS. I AM A WOMAN SO I PROBABLY NEED VALIDATION.

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I will murder you.

On Swearing:
Men like ladies with a little class so dropping the f-bomb in every sentence is a turn-off and does not show how sophisticated you really are.

What Carolyn Says:
Fuck you, you fucking fuck.

Capture

On Nagging:
No one wants to be told over and over again that they are doing something wrong. Choose your battles ladies. If they leave the toilet seat up, quietly put it down. If they don’t shave for a couple of days, deal with it. Let him hog the remote control once in awhile. Remember, there are probably things they don’t like about you too.

What Carolyn Says:
THEN TELL ME? This is how relationships work. By speaking to each other. But letting it all fester and fester will INEVITABLY lead to you blowing the fuck up over something so minuscule. Sure, you don’t have to nag, but if you AREN’T GETTING THE FUCKING PICTURE HOW IS THAT MY FUCKING PROBLEM.

quit your nagging, bitch.

On Being Needy:
Don’t ever drop your girlfriends and family for a man. Being too dependent on your man to make you happy is a turnoff. Expecting him to change to meet your needs is also very unattractive. They want to be loved for who they are.

What Carolyn Says:
Preach. Finally, something we agree on. OH WAIT, except that you contradicted EVERYTHING you just mentioned above. “Expecting him to change to meet your needs is also very unattractive.” But it’s okay that we have to change ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING about our personalities and daily grooming routines for him? Don’t wear too much makeup, don’t do your hair all fancy all the time, shave everything, cut out certain things to make your teeth nice, don’t wear too much perfume, don’t drink excessively, be a robot, don’t fucking swear, no nagging up in this bitch, don’t be needy. But ABOVE ALL ELSE, don’t forget to ~*~be yourself~*~.

If you want me to love my man just the way he is, then he can sure as fuck love me the way I am.

Worst. Article. Ever.

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67 thoughts on “10 Things Men Find Unattractive About Women.

    1. JOANNE GAGNON

      Well men who have missing teeth turn me off,,,,,,,, cheap aftershave to hide their body odor,,,, bad haircuts and uneven side burns,,, sitting in a restaurant like he is on his sofa,,,,,,,,, burping after juggling half his beer, uncut toes black toe nails,,,, biting his fingernails,,,,, looking at the waitress’ boob as her orders,,, wearing a shirt he thought he did not having to iron,,,dry skin,,, not answering when asking a question, obviously he is thinking about his video game,,, inviting the team to come and sit with us,,, shoes he has had for 15 years afterall they are his favorite,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, so guys FUCK YOU LOSERS.

      Reply
  1. Shannon Noel Brady

    “Wave your armpit hair like you just don’t care” – hahaha. Wave that armpit to the right! Wave that armpit to the left! Now shake those hairs! Shake those hairs!

    Agreed, worst article ever. Basic summary: Have no sense of self. Cater to his every want. The end.

    Ugh.

    Reply
  2. jwethne

    I love your breakdown of this. It could be summed up like this. “Change everything about yourself to be pleasing for a man, but if you even suggest that he do the same for you, you’re an ugly whore who doesn’t deserve love. And you’re going to end up alone.” Pass.

    Reply
  3. Jon Doe

    Sounds about right, those are pretty simple ways to be more attractive. I don’t know where the hell they got that nonsense about hair=testosterone, though…. and pretty much the whole list also applies to men if you skip the makeup, replace ‘perfume’ with ‘cologne’, ‘legs’ with ‘beard’, blah blah blah.

    I don’t really care enough to bother with those things, either, but I’m not like… offended by the fact that I’d be hotter if I went to the gym.

    Reply
  4. bensbitterblog

    Yeah, it seems like this article was written in the 50’s. Seriously. And the whole negativity thing? If I’m a bitter dude like most of us are, why would we not want a bitter girl to spend time with? That may be for some men, but not for me.

    Reply
    1. Yes please.

      yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes,
      I love you.
      yes.

      Reply
  5. isaidnoh

    I agree with hardly any perfume, but smelling perfume gives me massive migraines, so any advice that will make women wear less is good in my books.

    My hair is even scarier first thing in the AM. Curly hair high five. I need a pound of product to control that shit, and somehow still managed to score and keep a husband.

    Reply
  6. MSP

    Could NOT have agreed MORE with EVERY GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKING BITCH WHORE SLUTTY WORD YOU WROTE!
    Also. Love you and your hairy, unkept dirty unhygienic self. And yes you have a husband but let’s be honest. He’s not like winning the lottery. He’s just Graeme. AND THAT’S THE BEST PART. Just like he should be feel fucking #blessed to have you, for who you are!!! Fuck that article. But can we also talk about how the authors name is Cherri… ’nuff said there. Explains the whole article I believe.

    Reply
  7. julianatardif

    OMG Carolyn thank you for writing this!
    Hahaha BEST ARTICLE EVER!!!
    Ps: I don’t remember the last time I shaved my legs, I haven’t seen my lady parts for months now so one can only hope that jungle doesn’t get too crazy, and I really do love red wine and there’s no freaking way I’d ever give that up!
    Bring on my hairy, stinky, stained mouth self cause this is who I am!

    Reply
  8. merakirose

    Reblogged this on merakirose and commented:
    This is absolutely amazing! Ladies AND gentlemen, YOU DO YOU! Don’t let what others think of you dictate how to live your life. If you’re happy with your life, don’t change a damn thing. 😉

    Reply
  9. Danielle

    Wait a minute….the asshole who wrote this wants his significant other to be as smooth as an Olympic swimmer, but then he goes on to say that women shouldn’t get upset if he didn’t shave his beard that day. So men don’t have to shave, but women do?

    No thanks. I’ll take my hairy body, styled hair, negativity, red wine, coffee, perfume, and makeup elsewhere.

    Reply
  10. bixxboxx

    You are my hero! Love this post so very much!!

    P.S. Curly hair doesn’t have to be a curse – try the Curly Girl method (but not because your man will like it!) 😂😂

    Reply
  11. Yolande

    I fucking LOVE you! If I were a man and you weren’t married already, I’d fucking marry you! It’s about time syndrome called bullshit on this kind of bullshit.

    Reply
  12. Just Some Guy

    So I want to be clear that I’m not criticizing you for your life choices, but you might be missing an important feature of that article you tore apart. It is something designed for mass consumption and attempts to give advice that is “good” (for a certain value of good) “on average.” Most of the comments are true in a general sense. Most guys prefer less makeup instead of more, most guys prefer natural (seeming) hair to crunchy gel or a constant up-do, etc. HOWEVER, there are an awful lot of guys out there and chances are that if you like to wear more makeup instead of less, there is a guy out there who likes that too. Same for the crunchy hair. Probably the same for the cursing, hairy legs, etc. You absolutely should not change something about yourself that you like in order to get a guy. However, if there is something about yourself you don’t particularly like and you haven’t quite decided what you want to change it to…this might be provide a few ideas for things that appeal to other people that you might like to look into. Nobody LIKES bad breath, in themselves or others, so good oral hygiene is a great idea. If a girl has bad breath sometimes, or even every morning, it’s probably something that a guy worth having can handle. But if your breath is ALWAYS nasty because your teeth are half-rotten, you haven’t brushed in 3 or 4 days, the food caught in them has started to ferment, and this is your mouths usual state…he’s probably going to look elsewhere. Again, if you happen to like that about yourself, more power to you I guess. But I suspect you won’t have much companionship of either gender.

    Reply
  13. Just Some Guy

    Oh yeah, I should mention, the advice on not criticizing your significant other is good…in some ways. It is important to pick your battles, or maybe more accurately, consider whether its actually important to you or just rubbing you the wrong way right then because you’re pissed that it’s cold out or something. That goes for us guys too, because it’s really easy to snap off an asshole comment about something that bugs us right then, but we don’t really care about and won’t even remember in five minutes. However, if a guy insists that a woman be shaved completely smooth at all times but expects her to be fine with it if he misses a day (or three) shaving, there’s a problem. I think the old saying was “sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander,” or something like that.

    Reply
  14. Beemu

    Nothing like a strong, independent, liberated cup of shut up already, we know you don’t beckon a guy that demands a certain type of woman. And you will never be that woman, different strokes for different folks. Plenty of good, Christian, home-maker wives that strive to meet their man’s expectations, and they do. And you know what? They are obviously 10x happier with themselves, and their lives than you are. Your immature responses scream troll. Good journalism, great attitude. Don’t be surprised when you get handed reality and you melt down like the psycho hoes beast you undeniably are.

    Reply
  15. Dave

    Here is tip. If you have to give something like coffee or wine up to find ‘a suitable mate’ (assuming your not an alcoholic) then they are *not* a suitable mate.

    Reply
  16. aikifox85

    I just DIED! I could not agree with you more! That sarcastic wit is great XD
    I also friend requested you on FB, since you linked it. You seem like the kind of person I would hang with (though I’m pretty sure you’re too far away for that, haha). Followed.

    Reply
  17. PlumpPrincess

    My fella would be really annoyed at me if I shaved. He 1) likes to have sex with an adult female, and adult mammals have hair in their lady areas. And 2) he really likes hairy women, sitting watching netflix as he strokes my hairy legs calms us both after a long day 🙂
    Also… I have a cut glass english accent, and apparently listening to me swearing is a kink to a lot of men ;P

    Reply
  18. Christie

    OMG. This is awesome!!! Thanks for this. I am having a hard time dealing with break-up, as in right fucking now, and this is really something that perked me up. 😀

    Reply
  19. sdf

    Heya! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new apple iphone!

    Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts!
    Keep up the outstanding work!

    Reply
  20. MAP

    Wow,

    You’ve worked hard to appeal to a very narrow demographic (GF) and it’s clear they love it.
    However know that in fact it’s really a juvenile, crass narcissistic, & self centered article.
    If this is suppose to be humorous, you’ve missed the barn by a mile with your low brow, negative approach for the bulk of the population keying in a a very narrow demographic.
    Your can’t seem to write a paragraph without an expletive betraying your level of intelligence or maybe that’s just the demographic you’re trying to endear yourself to who think that’s cool.
    If that’s how you think you make a point you’re wrong.
    What you’ve shown is incredible ignorance and a lack of class.
    You don’t inform, write or educate in your article you rant & express your option.
    Nobody needs that.

    Reply
    1. Celly

      Actually, what she did–beautifully, I might add–is tell every single young woman out there, that it is OK to think about themselves and what they want and to STOP putting men before themselves.

      You probably wish we would all turn our focus on you and help make you feel like your penis can be seen without a microscope.

      Reply
  21. MaryMary

    “And just because I don’t wax every fucking part of my body everyday to resemble a toddler doesn’t mean I don’t care about my hygiene. Fuck you.”

    Finally! A voice of sanity. Can we be buddies?

    Reply
  22. Myron Wildermuth

    I am impressed, I must say. very seldom do I stumble upon a blog thats both educational and entertaining, and let me tell you, youve hit the nail on the head. Your post is important; the matter is something that not many of us are speaking intelligently regarding. i’m very happy that I stumbled across this in my explore for one thing relating to it.

    Reply
  23. Fake Alias

    I know you’re trying to be funny, but you don’t have to be so obnoxious. I am a woman too, and agree on a few of the points you make, but I disagree with most of them, so here I will assess everything you’ve said and how you could’ve said it better.

    You don’t HAVE to shave, it’s just that most people don’t like to look at it, I generally don’t like it on men or women, but I would never tell them that they need to shave, because that’s fucking rude.
    I’m very sure the vast majority of women don’t wax their vagina to resemble a toddler, because that would be pedophilia.
    If you are wearing too much perfume, it can be very hard to handle. I am allergic, so I definitely couldn’t handle it, but sometimes to smell can be overwhelming.
    I believe the part of the article about negativity is referring to in general, not in every situation. A person with a negative attitude who only complains about things can get annoying very fast. However, I do agree in the fact that we are human and allowed to complain.
    If they aren’t getting the picture, it is your problem because, like you said, you will blow up about it eventually.

    That’s all.

    Reply
  24. Fake Alias

    Everyone’s entitled to their own opinions huh? Then explain to me why you didn’t let me post my comment?

    Reply

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